Why You Keep Falling for the Wrong Ones (and How to Stop)

Sewing peace With Tangled Thread

For years, I thought love was supposed to feel like a tangle.

The knots in my stomach.
The overthinking.
The highs that felt like flying – and the crashes that left me breathless.

That was my thread.
Wound tight with trauma, dopamine, and familiar chaos.
And I kept trying to sew something beautiful with it.

I’d meet someone new and feel that pull – intense, addictive, all-consuming.
It felt like connection. But really?
It was my nervous system recognising a pattern – not a person.

That tangled thread was what I knew.
Unpredictability. Inconsistency.
Trying harder to be chosen.
The chase.

🧵
But here’s the thing no one told me:

You can’t sew safety with thread that’s still tangled in survival.

When you grow up with chaos – emotional neglect, abandonment, abuse, even just inconsistent love – your body learns that instability equals intimacy.

It’s not about logic. It’s not about preference.
It’s about programming.

And if you’re also wired for ADHD?
Forget it.
Your brain is chasing dopamine like it’s oxygen. And chaos? Chaos delivers.

So when someone pulls away, breadcrumbs you, keeps you guessing –
Your anxiety spikes.
And when they return?
Relief floods your system.
And that relief? It feels like love.

But it’s not love.
It’s chemical. It’s conditional.
It’s a trauma loop in disguise.

🎯 I didn’t know I was trauma-bonded.
I just thought I had a “type.”
That I was passionate.
That love was supposed to hurt a little.

I was stitching a future out of old pain.
Threading heartbreak into every new connection.
And calling the butterflies chemistry – even when they came with sleepless nights and spirals.

But something changed.

I started to meet people who didn’t feel like chaos.
They were kind.
Calm.
Steady.

And my brain?
Went straight to: “Something’s off.”

Too slow.
Too safe.
Too boring.

But that was the old thread talking.
The old pattern screaming.
The part of me that didn’t yet know:

Peace can feel like boredom when all you’ve known is war.

It took time.
To sit with the discomfort of not being triggered.
To learn that not spiralling didn’t mean I didn’t care.
That healthy doesn’t always come with fireworks.
That safety doesn’t mean silence – it means you can finally exhale.

🪡 These days?

I’m still learning.
Still untangling old knots.
Still reminding myself that love isn’t something I have to perform for or chase.

But I’m also starting to stitch something new.

Not with urgency.
Not with pain.
But with presence.

And the thread?
It’s still a little frayed.
But it’s no longer tangled.

It’s honest.
Intentional.
Woven with care.

Because real connection isn’t a rollercoaster.
It’s a patchwork of small, safe moments – sewn gently, stitch by stitch.

💬 If you’ve ever wondered:

“Why do I keep falling for the wrong ones?”

Maybe it’s not a flaw.
Maybe it’s a pattern.
And maybe – just maybe – you’re ready to unpick it.

🧵✂️

🎧 Want to go deeper?

I just released a brand new episode of my podcast, Dating on High Alert, all about this exact thing – the chaos we mistake for chemistry, and how to finally rewire what we crave in love.

It’s called:
“Why You Keep Falling for the Wrong Ones (and How to Stop)”

We talk about:

• Trauma bonding vs real connection
• Why avoidants feel addictive
• How ADHD makes us chase intensity
• And what it looks like to start choosing peace – without mistaking it for boredom.

🎙️ Listen now on Spotify, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts.
🔗 Listen here

Because you deserve a love that doesn’t unravel you – but helps you stitch something beautiful, and lasting, together.