Late Autism & ADHD Diagnosis in Women
What It Feels Like to Finally Know
The Diagnosis That Rewrote Everything
A whole new dimension opened up for me the day someone casually asked if I might have ADHD.
I’d never given it any thought.
Honestly, I assumed the way I was – sensitive, overthinking, scattered, intense – was just because of my trauma.
But my friend was convinced.
She saw something I didn’t.
And when I finally started looking into ADHD for myself… something clicked.
I saw me.
🧠 ADHD: The First Realisation
I started to recognise myself in every story I read.
The forgetfulness, the creative flares, the all-or-nothing focus, the late-night spirals – it all made sense.
I went for an assessment.
And sure enough, I was diagnosed with ADHD.
But then came something I didn’t expect.
The psychiatrist gently suggested I be assessed for autism too.
He said some of my responses and patterns pointed to something deeper.
I was stunned.
I’d never once considered that possibility.
🌍 Suddenly, My World Made Sense
Looking back, it should have been obvious:
- Strong smells made me physically ill – I used to skip school over it.
- Loud noises would send a shock through my system and leave me overwhelmed.
- Riding in a car with the window down made my ears ache.
- Too many sounds at once? My brain would freeze. Nothing would go in.
And yet… I’d never questioned any of it.
I thought my need for predictability – to know what the plan was – was just because of trauma.
That my panic at sudden changes was a CPTSD response.
That my sensitivity to everything was because of what I’d been through.
And maybe part of it was.
But another part?
Was just how I’m wired.
🧩 Dual Diagnosis – and a Dual Reality
When the autism diagnosis came, I felt two things at once:
- Relief. Finally, a deeper understanding of why I am the way I am.
- Grief. For the years I spent trying to survive in a world that wasn’t built for me.
Because here’s the truth I hadn’t fully let myself feel until that moment:
I didn’t just experience trauma.
I experienced it as a neurodivergent person – more sensitive, more vulnerable, and with fewer tools to make sense of what was happening to me.
And that hit hard.
Don’t get me wrong – what I lived through would have been horrific for anyone.
But the realisation that my brain made it even harder? That it left me even more exposed to being exploited in the first place?
That stung.
💔 The Little Girl I Was
A wave of sadness swept over me – for the girl I was.
The one who jumped at every noise.
Who begged for clarity.
Who masked without knowing that’s what she was doing.
Who tried so hard to be “good,” to adapt, to please.
And who never understood why it all felt so impossible.
That grief is something I’m still learning to hold.
🌱 But Also… Clarity
For the first time, I feel like I can be myself without apology.
I understand why I need quiet after a long day.
Why I overthink conversations.
Why I get emotionally flooded in busy environments.
Why I crave deep connection – and get exhausted by small talk.
I’m still learning.
Still unmasking.
Still trying to figure out how to navigate the world in a way that honours who I am – not who I thought I had to be.
But now? At least I know who that person is.
💬 What About You?
If you’ve recently been diagnosed with ADHD, autism, or both…
If you’re wondering how much of your past would have felt different if you’d known sooner…
If you’re sitting in that same place of relief and grief…
You’re not alone.
I’d love to know:
Did you feel this way too?
Would you have done anything differently had you known earlier?
Drop me a message or comment – I’m opening up this conversation on Dating on High Alert soon too, because this kind of understanding changes everything, especially in love, identity, and healing.
🎧 Want more like this?
If this resonated, check out my podcast, Dating on High Alert — where I explore the messy, beautiful intersections of ADHD, trauma, and relationships.
We talk about why we fall fast, confuse chaos for chemistry, and how to finally build the kind of love that doesn’t require us to abandon ourselves to feel chosen.
🎙️ Listen on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your audio spirals. Or Listen here.
