It’s Not Just You (And You're Not Broken)
Overthinking in dating or life can feel exhausting, right? If you’ve ever wondered how to stop overthinking in dating and life, you’re not alone. You know that feeling when someone takes too long to reply and suddenly your mind creates 37 different scenarios — each more dramatic than the last? Yeah, that.
If you’re an overthinker — especially one who’s neurodivergent, shaped by trauma, or just trying to figure life out while feeling everything deeply — I want you to know: you are not broken, not dramatic, and definitely not too much.
Right now, you’re simply in survival mode. Your brain is doing what it learned to do best — protect you.
What Overthinking Really Is
We like to think of overthinking as a mindset problem. But it’s not just a noisy brain. Overthinking is often emotional scanning – a survival strategy where we’re looking for signs of safety (or danger) in people, silence, or situations.
If you’ve lived through rejection, abandonment, or emotional instability, your brain might still be scanning for risk. That “What did I do wrong?” loop? It’s not self-obsession. It’s a nervous system reacting like you’re still in a high-stakes environment.
It’s especially common for people with ADHD, trauma backgrounds, or attachment wounds. And women? We’re often socialised to question ourselves before we question the system.
When you’re dating, texting, or even just building new friendships, overthinking can turn every interaction into a mental obstacle course:
- “Should I reply now or wait 15 minutes?”
- “Was that emoji too much?”
- “Do they think I’m needy?”
- “What did they really mean by that?”
Silence can then feel like rejection, and neutral responses can seem like detachment.
Instead of enjoying connection, you start bracing for impact.
I’ve been there. More times than I can count.
What Actually Helps You Stop Overthinking
I won’t insult you with “just stop overthinking” because if it were that simple, you wouldn’t be reading this.
Here’s what has helped me and the women I work with:
- Voice note yourself before messaging someone else. Get the noise out of your head first.
- Name what’s happening. “This is a fear spiral. It doesn’t mean something’s wrong.”
- Write it down. If you’re unsure whether it’s a thought or a fact, write both down. That contrast can be powerful.
- Ground your body. Stretch. Breathe. Walk. Movement reminds your brain you’re safe.
- Humour helps. Sometimes I tell my brain, “Thank you for your TED Talk. I’ll take it from here.”
You’re Not Alone In It
Overthinking doesn’t make you weak. It means your mind is trying really hard to keep you safe with the information it has. But now? You have the chance to offer it new information — to teach your mind how safety actually feels like.
So next time you spiral, ask: is this a fact… or a fear?
And if all else fails? Distract yourself. Dance. Call someone. Make tea. Or take a nap – overthinking rarely survives rest.
Want More?
I talk a lot more about this in Episode 2 of my podcast, Dating on High Alert — “Spiralling: When Your Brain Won’t Let You Play It Cool.”
We go deep into:
- Nighttime anxiety
- ADHD & trauma spirals
- Overthinking after dates
- Why we chase people who confuse us
- And how to come back to yourself
Ready to feel less alone in your spirals?
Listen to Dating on High Alert Episode 2 where we unpack overthinking, emotional spirals, and what actually helps.
And if this resonated…
Share it with someone who overthinks too
Or leave a comment and tell me: what’s one spiral you’ve had lately?
Be kind to your brain. It’s been through a lot. You don’t need fixing. You need space to breathe.
Unmask. Rebuild. Thrive.
Want more like this?
If this resonated, check out my podcast, Dating on High Alert — where I explore the messy, beautiful intersections of ADHD, trauma, and relationships.
We talk about why we fall fast, confuse chaos for chemistry, and how to finally build the kind of love that doesn’t require us to abandon ourselves to feel chosen.
Listen on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your audio spirals.